According to Oxford Dic. A doormat refers to a submissive person who allows others to dominate them.
After you read the definition above, you may think you’re totally not a doormat. You’re be in for a rude awakening.
Being a doormat is not always about letting friends/family dominate you, it’s also about people pleasing. In life we all try to care for and love others without expecting anything in return. Humbling right? Right… But where is your limit? When is enough, enough?
If you’re the one doing all the pleasing and bending over, sit back and wonder why no one has scratched your back yet. Sometimes we end up being a doormat because we seek approval that we never got. Maybe you were that kid who realised that other kids would play with you for a price, a cool toy , or an extra ice cream cup. Perhaps you figured, at least you were noticed. Another reason may be that you want to feel some type of appriciation from others ,ect.
Here are a few signs that just might Speak to you.
#1.Even though it’s last minute, you still say yes.
#2. When your family/ friends need you, you’re always there, always. You may see that as being loyal, but others may see that as you being a pushover.
#3. They do not respect your boundaries, or you have none.
#4. They already expect you to drop everything.
#5. You make sure to pick up or call back while your calls and text messages seem to go unnoticed.
#6. You are considered totally selfish when you do say no. Sometimes after all that work, you might even feel guilty later.
#7. Your feelings/ opinions are dismissed/ disregarded.
#8. You convince yourself that you just have a big heart and that they’re not really taking advantage of you.
#9. You gotten used to putting others needs way before yours. If fact, your needs may not even matter.
Distance yourself and reflect. Has this always been a problem? When and how did this begin? If you can, write it down so it can help you maintain posistive change.
Observe changes. Soon after your boundaries have been set, after your words or silence have been heard, check out who’s still hanging around. Most importantly , check out who hasn’t. If people are displeased with your new oppositions, question that. If they don’t respect your boundaries or don’t appreciate them, consider those to be signs of disregard.
Accept the changes. You may notice that certain people don’t come by anymore. Accept that. It’s not because you’re a horrible person, it is because you are no longer of use to them. They can no longer reach your way for convinience. These relationships are usually meant to be one-sided, it doesn’t work if you develop a voice.
Create and reinforce boundaries. From now on, YOU decide, you decide when and if you want company. Stop allowing others to walk in and out your life AND front door. Your personal life is just as important as the flow of your sanctuary.
Learn how to say no, period. If you don’t feel like coming over, don’t its that simple. Don’t crumble under pressure, this is just another technigue to get their way. If they need you for something, then they must work around your schedule.
Walk to the beat of your own drum, not theirs. A true friend or loving family member will do their best to meet you half way.
Realize your self-worth. Yes, you are worth all the trouble. You should’nt always have to go to them, they should seek you just as much.
Earn all of your respect.
Stand your ground. Don’t fall into peer pressure, if you have said “NO” than stick to it, thats that.
Now this is just MY beleif: Even though God says it’s better to give than to receive, we know he didn’t mean be a pushover and let others walk all over you. God also wants you to be strong within yourself and appreciate your worth because you are made in His image. Perfect.