Technically I began my day at 3:24 in the morning. I was awoken by the bright blue police lights outside my window. I thought to myself, oh lord, the devil is busy. They were roaming around with their bright flashlights looking for something. Either way I waited till 6 in the morning to get on the scale and I am still at 260.8. I’m not hungry. Even when I made our son his favorite cheesy sausage Omelette. I have my tall glass of ice water oh, I’m good for now. One thing I did notice about myself, when the police were outside our windows yet no one knocked on the door, my stress level went up. During that experience I craved to eat something. Anything, something like Cheetos…. num.
It’s now 1:36 p.m. I’m a little miserable, just a tiny bit. I feel just a little sluggish. Since I’ve been drinking water on a regular basis my stomach has been calm. I did discover a little personal hack, Big Red gum. Yes I’m chewing gum, I can’t swallow it! It’s bittersweet . Sometimes it definitely helps me throughout my day, but then again it also reminds me of how delicious those little wedges of soft cheese from the commercial are in real life. It reminds me how good that cheese is with crackers, oh my gosh crackers. I’m not talkin about saltine crackers, for me? Mama likes butter! How about if you take the same crackers and add the crunchy peanut butter? And then you try to be Pinterest cute and add little tiny chocolate chips on top in a row? What’s that abbreviation kids use these days? FML.
I think my stomach’s beginning to understand that there’s something off. Like, if my stomach was a separate live entity, would it say: “Are we okay?” “You’re being MIA.”
2:30 p.m. I’m feeling better than earlier, I actually have even more energy. I’m feeling very positive about my journey. I’m finally learning to discipline myself and how to follow structure. super proud 😊.
3:23 p.m. I cheated. I’ve just had a Chocolate Kiss🍫. It’s been in the freezer so it took a while for me to dispose of the evidence. It was only just one. It was fucking delicious. I feel shame. Did I mention I’m also on my period? Just saying👀.
5:02 p.m. Told the wife about the chocolate. She gave me a big hug and told me it was okay. Then she made me do a super long row of jump squats. Lesson learned .
It’s now 9:13 p.m. Today was a little harder than yesterday of course. I had some temptations that eventually subsided with self-disipline or prayer. In the afternoon, my head began to hurt but went away, thank goodness. I notice that I crave stuff when I am idle and I never did realise that. Everything looks so good all of a sudden. Lets see about day 3. Peace.